{"id":2163,"date":"2025-12-31T17:26:29","date_gmt":"2025-12-31T22:26:29","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/blogs.darden.virginia.edu\/brunerblog\/?p=2163"},"modified":"2026-01-05T11:11:30","modified_gmt":"2026-01-05T16:11:30","slug":"reprieve","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/blogs.darden.virginia.edu\/brunerblog\/2025\/12\/reprieve\/","title":{"rendered":"Reprieve"},"content":{"rendered":"

Reprieve <\/strong>\u2026(n) 2. A warrant granting or authorizing the suspension or remission of a capital sentence.\u00a0 \u20263. Respite from a natural or violent death. \u2026b. A respite, or temporary escape, from some trouble calamity, etc.\u00a0 \u2026(v) 2. To postpone, delay, put off.\u00a0 \u2026 3. To bring back, redeem.\u00a0 \u20265. To pardon, forgive.[i]<\/a><\/p>\n

F<\/span>urther to my previous post about growth in wisdom, here is a mini-case study.\u00a0 The question for advance consideration is this: what can one learn from a reprieve?<\/p>\n

The case<\/strong><\/p>\n

It was the middle leg of a long international trip.\u00a0 Flying to a small town in Europe from Panama, I had to change planes in Munich\u2014and had 90 minutes to do so.\u00a0 I don\u2019t sleep much on overnight flights, and when the dubious breakfast was served, was glad to gulp a few cups of coffee.\u00a0 Slow lines at customs and at security chewed up 50 minutes.\u00a0 I was a tad stressed but was hopeful that long legs and possible jogging would get me to the gate on time.\u00a0 Unfortunately, quick-walking while pulling a black wheelie\u2014at least a mile at this massive airport\u2014took my breath away.\u00a0 Literally.<\/em>\u00a0 Then a hotspot in the center of my chest mushroomed from a pinpoint to the size of a dinner plate.\u00a0 I had to stop a few gates short of my destination.\u00a0 Healthy and fit as a 75-year old, with no prior indications of heart trouble, I assumed that I was coming down with bronchitis or pneumonia, both of which I\u2019d had before.\u00a0 Pausing at a news stand, I bought the only remedy on view, aspirin, and chewed a couple of tablets.\u00a0 Quickly, the chest pain subsided.\u00a0 I lumbered to the gate and into my seat onto the connecting flight.\u00a0 Over the following days, some milder symptoms recurred, but less often.\u00a0 Upon returning home, I felt fine.<\/p>\n

I had intended to mention this episode to my doctor but was distracted by another surprise.\u00a0 A routine biopsy found aggressive prostate cancer.\u00a0 My urologist recommended prompt treatment.\u00a0 My wife and I spent a few weeks answering the myriad questions.\u00a0 Is the diagnosis correct? What kind of treatment?\u00a0 Where? Performed by whom?<\/p>\n

To double-check our thinking about the cancer treatment, I finally saw my primary care physician.\u00a0 At the end of that consultation, I casually mentioned the episode in Munich.\u00a0 He allayed my concern, \u201cIt\u2019s probably nothing.\u00a0 But why don\u2019t you see a cardiologist?\u201d\u00a0 Days passed until I saw the cardiologist, who said, \u201cIt\u2019s probably nothing, but let\u2019s do some tests.\u201d\u00a0 The tests, a few days later yielded another referral to a cardiac surgeon: \u201cYour condition is serious.\u00a0 Do absolutely nothing physical until you see him.\u201d\u00a0 A few more days passed.\u00a0 The cardiac surgeon said, \u201cYour condition is serious.\u00a0 We have scheduled you for a triple bypass heart operation in four days.\u00a0 Do absolutely nothing physical until then.\u201d<\/p>\n

I spent the four days sharing the news with family and close friends, cancelling many weeks of commitments, checking my advance medical directive, giving my wife advice and instructions, and \u201carranging my affairs\u201d in case the operation did not go well.\u00a0 Friends and colleagues in the Darden community showered me with advice\u2014Paul Mathern<\/a>, Elliott Weiss<\/a>, Bob Conroy<\/a>, Michael Woodfolk, Dan Lynch (Darden MBA 1984), Jay Scott (Darden MBA 1991), and John Fowler (Darden MBA 1984) had prepared me along the way.\u00a0 Meanwhile, I tried to buck up my family and sent this photo at 4:00 am as I was leaving home for the operation.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

The cardiac bypass is modern surgery at its most complex.\u00a0 Four hours long, it calls on the skills of a variety of medical experts.\u00a0 There must have been a dozen professionals in the operating theater.\u00a0 Over the years, I had taught classes about team-based medical care.\u00a0 Here, I was experiencing it in person.\u00a0 The team, led by Dr. John Kern of UVA Health, was friendly, competent, and calming.\u00a0 As the anesthetic began to take hold, the words of Psalm 31 came to mind: “Into your hands I commit my spirit.”<\/p>\n

I awoke for a week in intensive care attended by another dozen or so professionals.\u00a0 The biggest surprise to me was the blow to my stamina.\u00a0 Doctors call this \u201cdeconditioning.\u201d\u00a0 I went from fitness (able to walk 7-8 miles, bicycle for 2-3 hours, and\/or lift lots of hand weights) to utter collapse.\u00a0 I faced a very steep climb to recovery.<\/p>\n

On returning home, I focused four weeks on recovering full use of my lungs, healing my sternum and regaining the ability to stand up and walk short distances.\u00a0 My wife, Bobbie, and younger son, Alex, helped, coached, prodded, and inspired me\u2014and qualified for sainthood with their patience.<\/p>\n

In the sixth week after the operation, the doctors gave me permission to drive again and sent me into a 12-week program of cardiac rehabilitation.\u00a0 The staff there (about another 10 professionals) monitored everything while I worked on the treadmill, stationary bike, Stairmaster, and hand weights.\u00a0 They also lectured me and the other patients on nutrition, sleep habits, exercise, and mindset.\u00a0 Rehab was not just about physical recovery; it was substantially about changing behavior.<\/p>\n

Midway through rehab, the doctors gave me a colonoscopy exam and then commenced radiation treatment for prostate cancer.\u00a0 This entailed more discomfort and more fatigue.\u00a0 Four or five more professionals took me through the drill of being bombarded with X-rays: slide into a massive MRI machine, hold very still, fight claustrophobia.\u00a0 The doctors think they got the cancer.\u00a0 Forthcoming years of monitoring will confirm it.<\/p>\n

My friend and colleague, John Jeffries<\/a>, summed up the last four months for me: \u201cBob You\u2019ve been to hell and back.\u201d<\/p>\n

What does one learn from all this?<\/strong><\/p>\n

Some of the most important growth in a person’s life occur in the midst of a struggle or crisis.\u00a0 I learned four kinds of lessons from this episode.<\/p>\n

First is reprieve.\u00a0 It is possible to outlive the first and second most common causes of death (heart disease and cancer, respectively).\u00a0 We each have a sentence hanging over us.\u00a0 But with sensible lifestyle choices, early detection of symptoms, and modern medical advances, it is possible to thwart and delay that sentence.\u00a0 You can get a reprieve.<\/p>\n

Second, attitude counts.\u00a0 Bob Conroy urged this point to me.\u00a0 Don\u2019t let the operations dictate your mindset.\u00a0 You can choose <\/em>to think and feel the way you want to.\u00a0 Therefore, practice patience, intention, gratitude and optimism.\u00a0 The words on my t-shirt helped me to frame that attitude.\u00a0 Honestly, adopting a good attitude has not been hard.\u00a0 I feel extraordinarily lucky to have had the benefit of modern medicine and great care.<\/p>\n

Third, reprieve is not a solo pursuit.\u00a0 All told, I would guess that more than 50 professionals contributed to my treatment and recovery in some way.\u00a0 Listen to the experts.\u00a0 Do what they tell you.\u00a0 The reward is not just physical recovery, but also a better mindset and wiser judgment.\u00a0 As I argued in the previous blog post, growth in wisdom is not a game for individuals; it is best perfected in community with other people.<\/p>\n

Fourth, reassess priorities.\u00a0 It may be easy to revert to autopilot after a health event, that is, to return to old practices, habits, and commitments.\u00a0 Autopilot might reassure that the event has not altered your ability to perform as before.\u00a0 But the closer you scrape with death, the more likely you are to question what has been meaningful in your life.\u00a0 A health event is a moment to take stock of how you have spent your time, and how you would like to spend it going forward.\u00a0 During my stay in the ICU, a doctor told me that the triple bypass cardiac surgery had added five years to my life\u2014in the haze of painkillers and fatigue, I had a Wait! What? <\/em>moment.\u00a0 Did he mean that I had only <\/em>five more years to live?\u00a0 That triggered some sober prioritizing: ditch pointless activities and tasks; focus on health, relationships, causes, and commitments that matter most.\u00a0 I hope to live past 100 but aim to live intentionally <\/em>like I have five left.<\/p>\n

Finally, let it go.\u00a0 The ultimate sense of the dictionary\u2019s definition of \u201creprieve\u201d is \u201cto pardon, forgive.\u201d\u00a0 A health event and other indignities of aging jerk you upright and say that you can\u2019t have it all; there are physical limits to your experience.\u00a0 Confronting these limits can trigger anger and depression.\u00a0 The remedy is to forgive yourself and live within the new limits.<\/p>\n

Coda<\/strong><\/p>\n

I can’t possibly convey everything I learned from my reprieve.\u00a0 But perhaps these brief reflections will help you consider the year just closing and the year ahead.\u00a0 I hope that 2026 will be better for all of us.\u00a0 In what ways can you win your own reprieve in the days to come?<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

[i]<\/a> Oxford English Dictionary Volume XIII, 2nd<\/sup> ed., 1989, Oxford, UK: Clarendon Press, p. 663.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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